I thought I had convinced myself that I wouldn’t be disappointed if this job I had applied for turned me down. I’m self-employed and not doing too badly for myself, so it would have been quite the shift in lifestyle, but I would have been making more money.

Unfortunately, I had also convinced myself that I was a shoe-in for the job. So, disappointment hit and I can’t say I’m surprised.

Working at the salt mill – I certainly entertained the idea of going back!

Admittedly, I was a little surprised I wasn’t offered the job. I am capable of performing the tasks they needed done and possess the ability to work either independently or within a team in ways only someone who’s run their own (albeit, small) company would. They’re a larger company but began with an entrepreneurial spirit that they’ve been able to maintain and nurture in different parts of the company.

After hearing myself say, “I’m ready for the challenge of a larger company,” a few times, I began to believe it myself and even started to look forward to the new job. It was going to be a rock that we were going to use to pay off some of our debt and save for a house. I can also admit that I had even started planning for it, including how I was going to get to and from work each day.

I’ve already told you I didn’t get offered a job, but I’ll reinforce it now for narrative effect.

It’s hard to say how I feel. I think with my fledgling business I’ve been searching for more venues for reassurance of my own self-worth. In writing, I do know – in my mind at least – that looking for this sort of external validation is almost always met with disappointment. However, now and again I misstep with my own confidence and begin to look outside myself for reassurance anyway.

What it feels like when you don’t get the job.

I feel like they’ve told me I’m not good enough, when I know (again, in my mind) that it’s not me, it’s that they’ve found others who are better, more experienced, and more specialized. I have had the benefit of a broad education and experience, but this does not fit every position, especially if they cannot think creatively. Unfortunately, I don’t think that Human Resources personnel are capable of thinking how to creatively solve solutions for the businesses they represent, they only seek to find a round peg for the round hole they’ve been giving to fill.

Or, perhaps there’s a bit of the venom of resentment in that paragraph for which they don’t deserve. Their HR department was at all times professional, honest and very good to me.

Sure, you could leave a comment to the tune of, “things happen for a reason,” or, “in the sea of ‘nos’ you only need one ‘yes’.” I’ve been here before. I was a working actor for a few years in college and the one thing you learn to deal with is rejection – not getting the part or being offered something else. I was also applying for jobs in the UK without a Work Visa and trying to convince companies to hire me and put in the money and time to help me get one. That was an uphill task if there ever was one. I can honestly tell you this: you become familiar with the feeling, but not accustomed to the feeling of failure.

Sure, perhaps it’s not failure, but why not? One seeks a job, puts in an application, proceeds through interviews and then is told that you did not get the job. Is that not failure? It’s not such a bad thing really – I certainly wouldn’t want a job at a place who did not want to hire me! That would be so much worse in so many ways.

It’s an interesting exercise – trying to fit ourselves into the holes in someone else’s business. Is there ever a perfect fit? Do these businesses really find great people? How often do they miss someone better? The CEB advisory group surveyed their hiring manager members and found that 1 in 5 are bad hires and shouldn’t have been hired in the first place.

Perhaps I’m not asking the right questions here. Should I instead ask, “how can I do better?” Or perhaps I should seek out a company who would most benefit from my talents and skills and go after them like a reverse headhunter. That’s actually worked for me in the past. I may consider doing that if I find the right position or company in the city where we are moving.

Again, I thank you for your readership. I’m interested to see what your experiences are in this arena. Please include your comments.

PS: I always think of this clip from Joe vs. the Volcano when I go for jobs. “He can get the job, but can he DO the job?”